Facilitator Program Humor & Mirth

Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are others here for?
No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is winning.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE POTATOES / 'TATORS
We playfully refer to the Facilitators as 'Tators :-}

Some people are very bossy and like to tell everyone what to do, but of course they
do not wish to soil their hands.You might call that type "Dick Tator."

Some people never seem to be motivated to participate. They are content to watch
while others do. They are "Speck Tators."

Some people never do anything to help, but they are gifted at finding fault
with the way others do things. They might be called "Comment Taters."

Some people are always looking for ways to cause problems. They look or others to
agree with them. You call them "Aggie Taters."

Then there are those who always say they will, but somehow never get
around to doing anything. They are "Hezzie Taters."

Some people put on a front and act like they are
someone they are not. They are "Emma Taters."

Still, there are those who live what they talk. They are always prepared to stop
what they are doing to lend a hand. They bring real sunshine into others' lives.
You might call them "Sweet Taters."

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo pi
Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier: Mach turtle
2,000 pounds of Chinese Soup: won ton
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
2.4 miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer: 1 lite year
1 million microphones: 1 megaphone
1 million aches: 1 megahurtz
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
Half of a large intestine: 1 semi colon
Time between slipping on a banana peel and striking pavement: 1 bananosecond
1 billion piccolos: 1 gigolo
1 millionth mouthwash: 1 microscope
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 fig Newton
1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: 1 knot-furlong
Shortest distance between two jokes: a straight line
First step of the first mile of a thousand mile journey: 1 Milwaukee
10 millipedes: 1 centipede
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
2 wharves: 1 paradox


Facilitator Central WebTeam.


Please enter your e-mail address to be notified when this page is updated.

This Page Was Last Updated On 12/11/01 9:26:33 AM